We've heard so many over the years - we just had to share some with you!
Flute
 | Q. What's the definition of a minor second? |
| A. Two flutes playing in unison. |
Oboe
| Q. What is a burning oboe good for? |
| A. Setting a bassoon on fire. |
Clarinet
| Q. What is the definition of a nerd? |
| A. Someone who owns their own alto clarinet. |
Saxophones
| Q. What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? |
| A. The grip. |
Trumpets
| Q. What is the best mute for Trumpets? |
| A. Silent Brass |
French Horns
| Q. What's the difference between a French Horn section and a '57 Chevy? |
| A. You can tune a '57 Chevy. |
Trombones
| Q. What's the definition of a gentleman? |
| A. Someone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn't. |
Tuba
| Q. What's the range of a tuba? |
| A. 20 yards if you've got a good arm. |
Percussion
| Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? |
| A. Drummers. |
Violins
| Q. How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? |
| A. The dog knows when to stop scratching. |
Violas - It's a tie!
| Q. What is the best recording of the Bartok Viola Concerto? |
| A. Music Minus One. |
| Q. Why do Violists sit at the breakfast table staring at the can of orange juice? |
| A. Because the can says "CONCENTRATE". |
Cellos
| Q. What is another name for the cadenza in a cello concerto? |
| A. Comic relief. |
Bass
| Q. Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? |
| A. He turned a tuning peg and wouldn't tell him which one. |
Strings
| Q. What's the definition of a string quartet. |
| A. A good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers. |
Bagpipes
| Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? |
| A. To get away from the noise. |
Conductors
| Q. What do you do with a person who can't play his own instrument? |
| A. Give him a stick and call him a conductor. |
Guitar
| Q. What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth? |
| A. The stage is level. |
Bodhrans
| Q. How do you know when there is a bodhran player at your front door? |
| A. The knocking gets faster and faster and faster. |
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